Mothers Day Without Mum

This year is the sixth year I haven’t purchased a Mothers Day card or gift for my mum.

Until I became a mother myself I would spend each year on the approach to Mothers Day avoiding the subject. Not because I don’t want to talk about it, but because it felt awkward. When the hot topic in the office is what you’re doing for Mothers Day or what you’re going to buy I’d swiftly need to make a cup of tea or nip to the loo.

When colleagues who were old enough to be my mum were still able to take their own mothers out for a nice meal on Mothers day I’d find myself feeling deflated and jealous. It might sound silly but my inner child wanted to stamp her feet and shout “It’s not fair!”

In July 2010 at 47 years old my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer. On the 7th August 2010 which also happens to be my partner’s birthday, she never did things by halves, she passed away in my Dads arms. I was on my way to work when I got the news, their is no right or wrong place to be given such news, nothing can prepare you for something like that.

When You hear about cancer you think of treatments, final family holidays, survival stories and people who spend many more years with their loved ones.

Six years ago on what was a seemingly normal summers day Cancer came into our lives and swallowed it whole. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting in my parent’s garden during the 2010 Fifa World Cup as it played on the radio whilst Dad stood over the barbecue cooking sausages. It was the summer before my final year at University.

Many people think their mum is amazing, and why shouldn’t they? My mum however was a cut above the rest, to me at least. She always managed to make me feel better no matter what was happening around me. She put everybody else first and never ceased to amaze us all with the the silly things she would say and do.

From raising three children whilst being an Army wife, moving up and down the country, leaving her family when Dad got posted to Germany and generally being the strongest woman I ever knew, she was the best.

On Mothers Day 2010 I gave my mum a bottle of her favourite perfume, Estee Lauder Youth-Dew, to this day I can’t smell it without having a flood of memories and emotions rush over me.

Since becoming a mother myself I no longer think of Mothers Day as a day to hide from what’s going on around me but choose to embrace it, because I am a mum. It’s only right I spend the day basking in the glory of the tiny human I created whilst enjoying some cheeky chocolates.

If my mum were here today I know she’d be immensely proud of all 3 of her children and her husband.

My Dad is absolutely amazing and although Taylor won’t ever meet my mum I’m so thankful he has my Dad who absolutely adores him and his cousins.

Being a mum without a mum here to guide me is hard, but knowing she’ll never meet my baby boy is the hardest.

  • Oh Lisa. What a beautiful tribute to your mum. She sounds like a lovely, special woman and I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure she would be immensely proud of you and her beautiful grandson. Sending love xxx

  • Newcastle Family Life

    Aw bless, I had tears reading this. Your mum sounds super lovely. I lost my mum ten years ago and I too use to feel a bit jealous and think it was unfair when people older then my mum still had their mum and I didn’t – I still do at times. I totally agree that knowing are children will never know are mums is the hardest. I hope that you had a nice day with your gorgeous little man though and remembered your mum with a smile and not tears xx

  • Juliet Victoria Emmerson

    Lovely post Lisa. I too always hated the Mother’s day conversation. It felt awkward, after my Mum passed away. Enjoy it now with Taylor xx Juliet

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